?

Log in

 
 
13 May 2004 @ 02:27 pm
And the shouting commenced  
So I told C******* what I need - in return I got shouted at. I managed to calmly tell him that I was not prepared to be yelled at, didn't appreciate it, and said goodbye. All without raising my voice. That's all I could do. I also sent the following email:

C**-

I have reviewed both the emails that you sent me and the postings in your LiveJournal, both places where you alluded to the fact that you said/posted that you have a date tonight and I should have known and understood this. In neither place did you in fact say that you do have a date or even hint at it. The first I heard about it was when you told me earlier today, after I had considered that we had a date of sorts to talk on the phone.

If you review our conversation over the last couple of days you will see that you had not told me about your date or any time limitations at the point when I mistakenly thought we were making plans to be able to talk and that you had accepted those plans.

I also explained in these conversations that I had been at the National Sales Meeting this week as well as attending the dinners. You seemed aware, based on the text message you sent me, that I was in fact in those dinners until 10 pm (or later). They started at 6:30 and ran until 10 or 10:30, so you were correct. I did try to call you back on Monday but you did not answer, and on Tuesday I didn't think it would be appropriate to phone you at midnight again. I also texted you back from the middle of the dinner on Monday letting you know what the situation was and that I would try to call you back, which I did.

Thank you for once again pointing out all the things I do to screw up. I do not appreciate being shouted at. I understand from your tone of voice, your choice of words, your very pointed questions which basically ask me to justify every thing I may be thinking and feeling, your shouting, and you specifically pointing out that you have a dat (and therefore I *must* understand the consequences of my actions or whatever) that this is simply too outrageous of a request for you. I had already explained why the time parameters were important to me, but apparently you missed that part so I suggest you review the email I sent you regarding that.

For your convenience I have included the relevant portions of the conversation below.

Consequent to our last phone conversation I withdraw my request, as it seems I have crossed the line once again.

From: "C*** [Add to Address Book]
To: <chendra@redstonegroup.org>
Subject: RE: RE: Re: what's up?
Date: 05/12/2004
Time: 4:57 PM EDT

Cool. More meetings planned for tonight?

C**

>>> "Me 5/12/2004 4:23:55 PM >>>
I left my phone at home this morning.

I'm available after work tomorrow if you want to talk. With all the people here I cannot chat at work.

>----- ------- Original Message ------- -----
>From: C**
>To: Me
>Sent: Wed, 12 May 2004 15:03:55
>
>>Looks like you are busy this week, so I understand
>>that you don't have
>>time to chat. I hope you are having some fun at
>>your conference.
>
>I did not say I had no time to chat. However you
>also have a busy week
>this week as well.
>
>>So what's your schedule looking like for the rest
>>of the week? I'm in
>>the room here till 3:30; call if you would like. I
>>called you earlier
>>but it appears your phone is off.
>
>C**
>
>
>>----- ------- Original Message ------- -----
>>From: "C*****
>>To: Me
>>Sent: Wed, 12 May 2004 12:41:27
>>
>>Hm. That does suck.
>>
>>So what's your schedule looking like for the rest
>>of the week? I'm out
>>this evening till about 10 or so, tomorrow evening
>>unknown at this
>>point. Got time to chat for a bit? Topics can
>>include how work sucks,
>>how people suck, and how to handle business trips.
>
>>
>>*hugs* Sorry you guys didn't get a bonus.
>>
>>C**
>>
>>
>>>>> "Me
>5/12/2004
>>12:21:28 PM >>>
>>Some folks I worked with in the past got all
>>company merit awards & $$,
>>there were many many sales awards, and they made
>up
>>some BS award so
>>they could give me a little plastic plaque (along
>>with an 'award' for
>>every other person in the department too). It's
>>clear they think Ruth
>>and I are merely overpaid secretaries.
>>
>>>----- ------- Original Message ------- -----
>>>From: "C*****
>>>To: Me
>>>Sent: Wed, 12 May 2004 12:14:12
>>>
>>>Ah, I did forget that. My apologies for not
>>>remembering.
>>>
>>>So did you all get an award? Did any of your
>>>friends get an award? How
>>>was the Sales dinner? Did you get to meet old
>>>friends and such?
>>>
>>>C*******
>>>
>>>
>>>>>> "Me
>>5/12/2004
>>>11:15:08 AM >>>
>>>As I told you before, we have the National Sales
>>>meeting in town this
>>>week. We had the all company meeting and awards
>>>dinner on Monday and the
>>>Sales awards dinner last night, as well as days of
>>>meetings and
>>>presentations and such.
>>>


>>> "Me 5/13/2004 1:47:57 PM >>>
I hope you have a lovely

no - forget the knee jerk nicey nicey reaction - I need you to make the time for *me* tonight while you are not exhausted, not busy dealing with other things, and not thinking all about someone else. Time at at reasonable hour (ie 7 pm where you are) and allot a significant period
of time for it.

>>> "Me 5/13/2004 10:11:40 AM >>>
I didn't do much last night. I hope you had a nice evening.

What time are you going to call tonight? I'm looking forward to a chunk of uninterrupted time to talk without worries that you have to be doing other things instead.

C
Tags:
 
 
 
-the redhead-theredhead on May 13th, 2004 06:27 pm (UTC)
At this tiny point in time it just doesn't matter to me. I told you what I needed and was shouted at and made to feel awful in return. Not to mention having is blazed across the heavens what weight is placed on something when I bother so actually say I need something. That tells me everything I need to know.

I too have been quite upset qwith you for awhle, and it seems that everthing I do is wrong.


>----- ------- Original Message ------- -----
>From: "Christopher Zach" <czach@aaas.org>
>To: <chendra@redstonegroup.org>
>Sent: Thu, 13 May 2004 18:29:13
>
>I am sorry for yelling at you this afternoon. I
>should be a bit better
>at controlling myself.
>
>That said, I will need to think about *why* I am so
>fustrated with you
>and with the situation. That is my issue. Perhaps
>it has been a rather
>long and nasty two weeks for us.
>
>Alex and I did not have that behind us before
>Orlando (true, we did
>have a few months of Laurie stuff and other
>stress). I will think about
>it, but yes there have been times where we have
>shouted at each other
>and there are times we have fought. You could ask
>her about that.
>
>I don't however think that you and I are very good
>at being angry,
>upset, or fighting with each other. I will be
>honest: Over the last few
>weeks I have been and am quite upset with you. At
>the same time, I love
>you very much. Is it possible for us to fight in
>ways that aren't just
>sweeping things under the carpet till it is all
>lumpy and goes bad then
>exploding? Or doing self-sacrificing things that
>neither person really
>wants just because it is "right"?
>
>Chris
-the redhead-theredhead on May 13th, 2004 06:28 pm (UTC)
"This evening I have a date with Carmen planned, don't know how late that will be going."

does not imply that you ever had any time planned to speak with me as you had clearly said you did and wanted to do. It would have been much better if you had been *honest* and admitted that you weren't going to make any time for me instead of saying

"So what's your schedule looking like for the rest of the week? I'm out this evening till about 10 or so, tomorrow evening unknown at this point. Got time to chat for a bit? Topics can include how work sucks, how people suck, and how to handle business trips. "

and

"I did not say I had no time to chat. However you also have a busy week this week as well. So what's your schedule looking like for the rest of the week?".

Especially after I acknowledged that you were very busy this week and gave you the perfect opportunity to agree that you didn't have time by saying

"Looks like you are busy this week, so I understand that you don't have time to chat. I hope you are having some fun at your conference."

Why did you even keep saying you wanted to talk Chris, even when I said I knew you were busy? Why did you not tell me of your plans after I clearly told you when I was available, but instead agreed with me ("Cool")? Why could you not set a time limit on your date so there was time to talk to me instead of just saying you didn't know how late it would run? Why did you let me think that you *did* have the time? Did you laugh at my message where I said I was looking forward to getting to talk to you without time pressures? Or did you just think I was being pathetic? Once you realized you had created a huge misunderstanding did you not tell Carmen that you had and break your date with her instead of me? Why did I have to come out on the short end of the stick again? Why did you lie to me and lead me to believe you would make the time??????

I *desperately* needed someone to talk to this week. I even went so far as to tell you that I actually needed something - to talk to you. You *shouted* at me!!! Both you and Victoria left me hanging this week when I really needed a little love and understanding and support.

>----- ------- Original Message ------- -----
>From: "Christopher Zach" <czach@aaas.org>
>To: <chendra@redstonegroup.org>
>Sent: Thu, 13 May 2004 13:23:29
>
>*nod* I did. Went out to dinner with some local
>people; had a good time
>overall.
>
>This evening I have a date with Carmen planned,
>don't know how late
>that will be going.
>
>*hugs* Hope your day is going well.
>
>Chris
>
>
>>>> "Chendra" <chendra@redstonegroup.org> 5/13/2004
>10:11:40 AM >>>
>I didn't do much last night. I hope you had a nice
>evening.
>
>What time are you going to call tonight? I'm
>looking forward to a chunk
>of uninterrupted time to talk without worries that
>you have to be doing
>other things instead.
>
>C