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25 June 2004 @ 09:57 am
What to think? What to say?  
When should one quit trying?

Recently I put some effort into sending someone a sort of spur of the moment gift. It’s not someone I know well, but I am making the effort. I was a bit worried that they wouldn’t like it or that I was trying too hard. But I sent it off anyway.

And then waited.

Took them 2 weeks before they sent a brief little email saying they had enjoyed the gift. Now, I don’t know how other people were raised, but I always at the very least leave someone a brief message of thanks within a day or two in the instance that I cannot reach them to thank them personally within that time frame.

It seems to me that this person is fairly dismissive of my efforts and I am, indeed, trying too hard (which may be placing them in the uncomfortable position of having to acknowledge my 'pestering' and trying to get to know them). I see little reason to continue along these lines after my place in the grand scheme of things has been so clearly illustrated. Perhaps it would be better to leave the ball in their court, to make an effort if they wish to.

Now I have to figure out what to say to them about my feelings in this matter, and how to say it. – bleh.

-the redhead-
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Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.melanie on June 25th, 2004 09:49 am (UTC)
well, i don't really know enough to answer completely, but i would say that if sending them little gifts results in you feeling lousy rather than good, you should stop. (yes, i know you would feel good if they would react better, but since they aren't reacting well and the net result is that you feel lousy, well, i just advocate for a skip from point A to point C.)
-the redhead-theredhead on June 25th, 2004 10:21 am (UTC)
Normally, I would agree with you and would simply stop bothering without saying anything at all - I'd just let it all drop.

Unfortunately in this case the situation is not so simple. It's someone I 'should' make efforts towards. Hence, the quibbling...


-the redhead-
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.melanie on June 25th, 2004 10:36 am (UTC)
hm. well, i clearly don't have enough information to really understand, so I can't really offer anything useful. sorry. :\
rathgrithrathgrith on June 28th, 2004 12:43 pm (UTC)
I don't know you at all, so I apologize if my reply is out of line. I came to your page through Althaea's link to your yarn. I recognize you from her friends list, and you always seem to have something insightful and compassionate to say, so I thought I'd check you out.

My question is, why do you have to explain your feelings in this matter? I don't know the situation, or what's going on, but if I sent someone a gift and it wasn't acknowledged for two weeks, I'm not sure I'd go to the trouble to explain my feelings towards that person. Even someone I felt an obligation to get to know - if I was afraid I was coming on too strong (as it appears you fear), I'd be worried that a conversation about my feelings would be too much as well.

Can you wait for this person to make the next move, and see what happens?