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30 August 2004 @ 08:48 am
The moral of the story...  
Had another one of those instances where I thought I understood what someone was saying (actually, it was pretty clear based on their words and examples) but was in fact completely wrong. They also bear some responsibility for bad communication, but still it comes down to my misunderstanding in the end. Makes me want to go back to asking for an immediate and detailed clarification of everything just to avoid miscommunication and disappointment and to *make sure* I understand what they mean. Also I think that I will be explaining myself at length, in exacting detail, until I'm sure people understand what I'm saying and mean for awhile. Quite annoying, that, but better in the long run I think.

-the redhead-
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Abby Franquemonthuaman on August 30th, 2004 08:46 am (UTC)
If you're like me, you just can't win -- I find that when I do what you're proposing a return to doing, people believe that I'm being nitpicky, argumentative, or condescending. So, presently I'm trying the "get it all in writing" tack -- which means writing it up after verbal communications with a "So we're all on the same page here" tone.

This is all especially at the fore for me at present because the person to whom the bulk of my work is presently deliverable -- who is NOT my boss -- is both completely, unrepentantly stupid, and a total malicious bitch, whose core competency is making herself look good at the expense of others. Anyway, all that to say, how do you avoid the pitfalls I mention above? I'm in need of techniques, I think.
-the redhead-theredhead on August 30th, 2004 09:01 am (UTC)
people believe that I'm being nitpicky, argumentative, or condescending.

*nodsnods* Exactly *sigh* But why is it when they come back and say 'that's not what I meant' *we* are always the one's who are disappointed or stuck with the results? [/whine]

So, presently I'm trying the "get it all in writing" tack

I do this at work all the time, but it doesn't work so well with personal life interactions, yanno? Not to mention the fact that even having it 'in writing' (for example an email or IM exchange) doesn't guarantee that there isn't any misunderstanding or bad communication.


I'm in need of techniques, I think.

Umm, I could send you a nice handgun? ;) ;)

Seriously, I would suggest overuse of the BCC function. It's worked for me on more than one occasion and has resulted in people having to deal with their actions (or lack thereof).

I hope your Monday is going better than mine...

-the redhead-
Abby Franquemonthuaman on August 30th, 2004 09:29 am (UTC)
Oh, *personal* interactions. Hrmmm. I wonder if getting it in writing WOULD work there? Hrmmm.

I do tend to flagrantly cc instead of ever Bcc'ing. That's a point, though -- as it does indeed result in somebody not necessarily knowing that authority's been dealt in, and that could be a good thing in this case.

But why is it when they come back and say 'that's not what I meant' *we* are always the one's who are disappointed or stuck with the results?

Yeah, I can't figure that one either. I really don't like a lot of what seems to be the modern business mindset. It sucks to be part of on a daily basis, it's not long-term sustainable, it's not good for clients, it's not good for vendors/providers, and all in all I'm not sure what the point is supposed to be. I furthermore think I'm tired of being answerable to other people who make what I consider really stupid decisions, which I'm then forced to enact and enable further. But at the same time I'm not entirely ready to give up the stability of "working for major university." I would do it in a heartbeat if we were leaving Silicon Valley, but that seems to remain a pipe dream.

Umm, I could send you a nice handgun? ;) ;)

Something cute and small that shoots .45ACP maybe. Or else something antique and imposing-looking that I'd have to strap to my hip and swagger around like a bad cowboy movie. Maybe a black powder hand-cannon that generates a smokescreen I could use to make a getaway...

Sadly, you would be sending it to California, which is complex to say the least. And anyway, I already have several, but I'm not allowed to bring them to work. And some of them are *very* nice, too (my better half's a competition shooter, the net result of which for me is, I couldn't possibly have anything sub-standard).

It's a typical enough Monday, all in all. I'm presently bringing 12+ years of extensive technical expertise to bear on making a pie chart that's relevant to absolutely nothing, and contains only data which have already been provided to this same individual repeatedly. Everyone knows what the solution is, nobody's gonna do it. Therefore, gathering more information about the problem, and presenting it in different ways, is bound to help, right?

Beers after work? Or margaritas? ;-)
-the redhead-theredhead on August 30th, 2004 10:05 am (UTC)
Oh, *personal* interactions. Hrmmm. I wonder if getting it in writing WOULD work there? Hrmmm.

No, not always. It's a touchy thing. You shouldn't have to ask your loved ones for everything in writing, and it doesn't tend to cause upset and problems when you ask. They bear some responsibility when it comes to communicating effectively as well, but we know that doesn't always work. Having it in writing still doesn't guarantee that everyone said what they mean or understands what was really intended, at any rate. *sigh* In the end I guess I can only take responsibility for my own understanding, and if it means me beating every idea/statement/suggestion/comment to death so that I'm *sure* I understand and I'm not disappointed or stuck with the results then so be it I guess. Kinda sucks, tho.

as it does indeed result in somebody not necessarily knowing that authority's been dealt in

Exactly. When they see your CCs then their response play to that audience. If, however, you use BCCs then the response is more likely to be more natural and more in line with their general modus operandi. The only other responsibility is to response with a further BCC so that person gets a copy of the offender's response (or lack thereof).

(my better half's a competition shooter, the net result of which for me is, I couldn't possibly have anything sub-standard).

Ah, well. I'm certainly not in that league *smile* I was thinking perhaps a Glock 26 or summat. Those fit into my small Coach bag, so I'm sure it would fit in just about any other bag as well *smile* It's all about maintaining fashion standards, dontchaknow... ;)

Beers after work? Or margaritas? ;-)

Definitely on the level of margaritas, tho I would prefer a nice single malt *smile*
I'll tell you later about my first acid-dye dying day :)

-the redhead-






Abby Franquemonthuaman on August 30th, 2004 10:58 am (UTC)
Sometimes even with loved ones, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. "But you should know this without having to ask!" and that sort of thing. I dunno. I'm presently trying to not think about some of that sort of stuff... not pertaining to my own household, but to my mother and sister and so forth. And me trying to not act juvenile even though I sure as heck feel like it, but at the same time, also trying to stick up for myself instead of always caving on the grounds that I'll cope better, and whatnot. So though I presently don't feel that I'm being understood, I feel I've said what I can and no amount of repeating it is going to help... and all I can do at this point is either stick to my guns and stand up for myself, or cave and do what's easier for them. Which is what I've always done in the past and sorry, no, not this time, not anymore. Ahem. Anyway. It's all about "getting stuck with the results" for me right now -- I'm working on NOT getting stuck with the results, and NOT trying to take responsibility for everything under the sun, and not put everyone else before me, for a change -- because when I do that for the long haul, it only turns out bad for all involved.

Full-on professional Bcc: mode in effect, btw. Thanks for the suggestion. It's to the point work-wise that I can't see the forest for the trees, and the trees can't do anything but piss me off.

Points, too, for the Coach bag! Fashion standards of which I approve. ;-) I try for no bag at all, though, except of course, I do carry a bag which has yarn projects in it. Haha. For carry though, I would want something that could go categorically on my person. However, I don't really have a compelling need for carry at present and even if I did, given that I live in CA and am neither a movie star nor gun control activist, there's no way I could get a carry permit.

As far as fashion standards are concerned, I have the large accessory what is a locking bullseye box that can hold as many as 5 pistols with fancy sights, a scope, earmuffs, tools, notebook, targets, and a dozen magazines. Oh so stylish. And as required by California law, a separate lockable container for ammo.

My .22 has a red dot sight, so it looks like a huge hi-tech thing. My Beretta 9mm is probably the most carryable, but it's also probably the one i like the least and that I'm the crummiest shot with. My vintage .38 revolver is a 1960s target revolver; my .357 is probably my most stylish given it's stainless, rosewood, and whatnot, but then again it's a 6" barrel with blade sights and all. If I *had* to carry something it would probably be my accurized 1911 (the ol' Colt .45), on the grounds that I shoot it well and if you need more than 8 rounds of .45ACP to deal with anything, you've got bigger problems than a handgun was going to solve in the first place. I could always borrow something from Chad, I suppose. Or just see how far I get looking menacing with a drop spindle. "Don't make me use it! I will! Don't think I'm not serious about this!" *spin spin spin* Or get threatening with a quickly-made pre-Columbian weapon made only from string! I have one of those right here!

You're officially invited for scotch if you're ever in this neck of the woods. We tend to always have stuff in the 18-25 years old range on hand on general principle. I don't drink it at the rate I'd drink margaritas this evening, however. Oy. And yeah, I definitely want to hear about the dyeday!
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-the redhead-theredhead on August 30th, 2004 11:12 am (UTC)
Yah, I tried that - didn't work. I was wrong *sigh* Oh well, live and learn. At least I spent the weekend thinking through the idea I thought was at hand. Seems the best thing is to make everyone give me a complete clarification with details and examples before I consider anything - that way there's no misunderstanding.

I like the diagrams *smile* I think the middle one is most appropriate ;)

-the redhead-
Abby Franquemonthuaman on August 30th, 2004 12:55 pm (UTC)
#3 makes plenty of sense, and #1 seems okay if a little convoluted to execute. However, I don't get #2 at all. This is probably because I lack team spirit.
-the redhead-theredhead on August 30th, 2004 02:18 pm (UTC)
*gasp* No team spirit?!?

I think that prevents you from being an American...

-the redhead-
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-the redhead-theredhead on September 2nd, 2004 03:01 pm (UTC)
So, can you give me some diagramming pointers? I feel the need today, for clarity sake. I'm getting a little crazy with the number of words, the diagrams might be better.

-the redhead-