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20 September 2003 @ 03:54 pm
Slipping into bad habits  
I'm doing it again.

Pleasing people.

'How can I help you?' 'What works best for you?' 'What do you want to do?' 'I can take care of that, no problem.' 'Sure, I'll come in on the weekend to do what y'all didn't get done during the week.'

Being accommodating, being 'helpful', doing everything based on other people's wants and needs and schedules, making more and more compromises from my end, doing things I don't necessarily want to do, making changes to my life to accommodate others, taking the path of least resistance. It's always easier to change things on my end then anyone else's. Because I'm good at making things happen. I'll always make the extra effort.

Becoming the quiet one again. Low impact, to use a bit of jargon. Nope, I never have a schedule or an opportunity or demands on my time/life. There's always 50 reasons why their time/needs/schedule is more important than mine. Sure, I'll just make it work. Rearrange my schedule? No problem. No matter that it's an inconvenience. No, I really didn't want/need XYZ. We can skip over that, it was just a trifling detail anyway. Sure, I can make the time when it's convenient for you. Of course your stuff is more important than mine.

I ask for a few things, they don't happen. Or are overlooked or forgotten. Or are inconvenient. If I want something, it's me being selfish because I'm 'always the flexible one.' Or me being 'unreasonable'.

Suck it up. Cope. Deal. Bend over for us.

When was the last time I said 'no'? I don't remember.

-the redhead-
...wonders if anyone would even miss me...
Tags: ,
Paladinpaladin3 on September 20th, 2003 06:31 pm (UTC)
you're durn tootin we'd miss ya!

And sometimes it's a little easier to go with the flow than create conflict...you're allowed to charge your energy back up for real life from time to time.

take good care

dirtstar on September 20th, 2003 07:04 pm (UTC)
There is something I say to myself in times like these:

He who takes out the trash will always be considered the janitor.
Wolfteddywolf on September 21st, 2003 04:16 pm (UTC)
I do not know you as well as I'd like, but I would miss you.

I've been the person who gets it all done, who bends over backwards while others lean forward. Sometimes it's necessary to just... do your own thing and the hell with the rest unless it really would be Hell.