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25 October 2003 @ 06:54 pm
When I don't think about things too much...  
... important thoughts and answers can surface.

From a conversation which took place in
amaltheae's journal a couple of weeks ago:

amaltheae wrote 'It has always been my belief that most people do not continue looking to have a need met once it is met. Once a person finds a reflection they need, that tonal resonance, they are no longer on a quest for that particular thing. By that very statement, most people are not going to try to accumulate spouses as Barbie doll carbon copies of each other in different swimwear. They are looking for people who reflect other aspects of themselves, fulfill other needs.

My response was 'I find that the people to which I am attracted to recently tend to be very similar (witness the 2 C******, who even share a name!)'

amaltheae responded with 'I find that when I have more than one person appear who seem very very similar in most of the ways I consciously find important, that there is a good chance I have some need that I am expecting them to meet that one or both do not meet and thus I struggling with what could be called an off by one error. For some reason my brain has associated the thing I'm really looking for with these traits that these various people represent, but that is a faulty linking somehow and I'm still trying to fill the unfilled need.

A lot of the time, by the time I realize this, there is not a lot to do about caring for the persons now in my life, but I can do some self analysis to figure out what I am really looking for so that I stop going with faulty intuition to meet that need in terms of attracting new people. Often I find this pattern in people who paralell with people I had intense relationships of some sort with as a child and the connections are strong but not always correct. Sometimes if I'm really looking for something my dad was to me, I find people who map to a lot of things my dad was, but not really being aware of which thing I want, I don't end up with the part that started the quest, for example. '

My response was 'In my case I think it's the opposite. These people are exactly the sort I should be seeing (other than the distance thing). Interesting, think along the same lines I do, able to keep up with me intellectually, we have some things in common, understand the same cheesy bad movie references, etc. Neither of them is my dad, though one of them does have the tall aspect cornered (he is 6'8", Dad was 6'6"). The kind of people I can have wide ranging conversation with and not have to explain all of the concepts and references.

Funny, because neither of them is the type to whom I would be attracted on a purely physical level. I do have a 'thing' for pretty boys with big, showoff ponytails. Problem is they either tend to be self centered or have little brain power. Or both.

The C****** are in some ways the antithesis of the people (including my ex husband) that I've had relationships with in the past. Maybe I've finally learned from my mistakes *smile*'

-the redhead-
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