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30 December 2003 @ 07:56 pm
Why is it?  
Why is it that those who deserve things the least seem to get the most? Why are those who cannot conduct themselves as adults, who aren't capable of taking care of themselves, rewarded for their incompetence? Why are those who are the most self centered catered to? How is it that the angst and drama are so attractive?

Flowers, jewels, trips to romantic destinations seem to shower from the heavens for them.

Why are those of us who do for ourselves, who care for others, who are polite and reasonable overlooked? Is it because we *can* stand alone? Because we *don't* need the spotlight, need the drama?

Maybe I need to be more dramatic, more selfish, more vocal...

-the redhead-
Musings from the CZ unitcz_unit on December 31st, 2003 04:16 am (UTC)
Not quite sure, but I have been formulating a theory along similar tracks. Which might answer your thoughts on being more selfish, vocal, etc.

My question is why do consultants that are selfish, nasty, and ill-equipped for the task not only survive, but thrive? I have seen too many consultants for companies (including mine) that have no interest at all in anything other than selling the latest technology. Regardless of if it works or not. They tend to be highly sales-oriented, etc...

The reason is because consulting is typically a one-shot interaction. You come in, do a job, and go away. Yes, I know there are long term contracts, but these are not the kinds of work this sort of consultant goes after. And combinational game theory solutions explain that the best payoff in a one-shot game is to *always* screw over the other party. If they play nice, you win big. If they try to screw you, you don't lose anything. Best scenario.

Now if you're looking for a long-term contract, then the rules change.

I think that relationships are similar. People who are dramatic, selfish, vocal, whiny, manipulative, nasty, etc are playing the game in "always defect" mode. And this mode will work for them as long as their interactions are short-term: They will be loved and coddled for awhile till the other party realizes they have been had, at which time it's time to move on. And they are *great* at moving on. Lots of practice.

However people in longer-term goal relationships tend to not always defect. They aren't so manipulative, nasty, dramatic, selfish, etc. Sometimes they link up with the dramatic types mentioned above, in which case they lose. Sometimes they find another person who plays along similar lines and they win big in the long term.

The question then is what do you want? To play the game in always defect mode like the whiners, to play the game in the "awlays nice mode" and get burned out, or to stay far away from the whiners and look for people in long term relationships.

If what you want is simply lots of hot relationships with no future, then start defecting. It is the best strategy for that :-)

Your Origami Brothertimwerld on December 31st, 2003 06:11 am (UTC)
I think there are a lot of factors, of which you've touched on some as cause and some as effect here (though it's never that easy to compartmentalise behavioral causality). I think it's kind of a reciepe of different factors, which I don't spend much time worrying about. I have enough trouble trying to maintain my own sense of integrity. I think that's true of most independent people.

What you're asking for is some cosmic sense of fairness? In a way isn't that all part and parcel of being able to stand alone, and not needing the spotlight? That we're strong enough not to fold up like a wet tissue?
Wolfteddywolf on December 31st, 2003 10:17 am (UTC)
Maybe I need to be more dramatic, more selfish, more vocal...

You wouldn't like yourself if you were.
People who can stand up for themselves do get less attention. We aren't grieving, we aren't moping, we aren't showing ourselves in need of help - and people like to help. It bears out in my own posts, I get a lot more response to disaster than I do anything else. My entertaining posts come in a distant second.

There are people who look for the stable ones, BTW - for friends, for lovers, for generally hanging out with. Mayhap you need to find a few more of these people?