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31 December 2003 @ 11:00 am
40 questions  
A brief look back at 2003

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
I let myself be overwhelmed on first meeting.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Yes, I did keep my New Year's resolutions – I moved away from a bad situation and I lost weight. Not sure what my New Year's resolutions will be for the coming year. Boring things like working towards a better job and a real place of my own, I suppose. Maybe lose some more weight and exercise more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. Someone I used to be close to was blessed with the birth of his first child, but it's someone I no longer speak to.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

5. What places did you visit?
Brussels, Germany, DC, Orlando, Seattle, New York (but that doesn't really count).

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
More patience. Less turmoil in my life. Less attachment to outcomes (none of them should be that important). To be stronger. Human contact. Less drama. Better armor. To not be afraid.

7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Moving out was notable, but doesn't rise to the level of 'etched upon my memory'. I have lots of snapshots to cherish – Cirque, Europe, sleeping in my own bed in (what I thought was) my own space, Monet, dinner that I didn't taste a bite of, being *bapped* on the nose late at night in a strange place, doing the right thing, moving and moving again, getting to sit with Dahlia in my lap.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Moving out.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I thought my life would be different, be better. It's not, only difference is that now I do it alone. In general trusting people was a failure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really, other than the normal bumps and bruises and colds and such.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Lasik for my eyes..

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Vic. Chris.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My ex husband. My former roommate. My boss.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Living expenses. Moving, moving, moving. Lawyers

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I try not to get really excited about anything. But I fail. I got excited about goinEurope. About going to see people. About people coming to see me.

16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
I Will Survive

17. Compared to this time last year, are you

i. happier or sadder? Happier in some ways, sadder in others.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner.
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercise, spending time with friends, getting out more, riding.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Beating myself up, hesitating, worrying about things I can't influence or change, being afraid.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent Christmas in Seattle with my best friend. It was very very good to see her.

21. How will you be spending New Year's?
Home alone.

22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Maybe. It is still a situation being weighed. Actually yes, I just don't know that I can allow myself that luxury.

23. How many one-night stands?
None. I'm boring and conservative.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
West Wing & CSI.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, it's a waste of time. There are people for whom I would not make an effort or for whom I would not risk my life, but that's different than hate. I don't 'hate' anyone enough to do anything about it.

26. What was the best book you read?
I reread some Heinlein. Dirk Pitt is still my favorite literary hero, hokey as that may be.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I rediscovered my love of classical music. I'd forgotten how moving, how inspirational, how soothing it can be.

28. What did you want and get?
Independence. Proof that I *could* change my life in some areas.

29. What did you want and not get?
A real romantic relationship. Professional growth. Safety. Security.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Pirates of the Caribbean – entertaining and fun. I didn't get to many movies through the year.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I didn't do anything for my birthday.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
heh – a loaded question. A safe place to live, better job, human contact, to be a priority. To be able to ride again is probably the biggest. I know that if I have nothing else, that would give me happiness, it would complete me, it would bring me pleasure.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Simple, plain, elegant. I'm still a disappointment to my mother, who would much prefer me to be a girly girl dressed in pink ruffles. Sorry Mom, never gonna to happen.

34. What kept you sane?
Myself, as always. The light at the end of the tunnel, even if those glimpses were merely illusion.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
None, really.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
eh – I try not to get worked up by politics these days. If I had to choose I would say our foreign policy and national security. Troy and I have had some great conversations on those subjects. He's not bad for a Harvard boy…

37. Who did you miss?
My friend Vic. Chris. Missing both is silly, really. How can you *not* miss people you care about who are far away? I knew from the beginning that they would be.

38. Who would you like to get to know better?
Vic & Chris. Maybe another Chris, but I'm not sure if or how that's going to work.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
No expectations.
Actions speak louder than words.
You can only count on yourself.
By my hand or in my hand.
I can stand on my own, and will have to forever.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

River of Dreams
(Billy Joel)

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
From the mountains of faith
To a river so deep

I must be looking for something
Something sacred I lost
But the river is wide
And it's too hard to cross

And even though I know the river is wide
I walk down every evening and I stand on the shore
And try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find out what I've been looking for

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep

And I've been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I would never lose
Something somebody stole

I don't know why I go walking at night
But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is that I've been looking for

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the jungle of doubt
To a river so deep

I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind

In the middle of the night
I'm not sure about a life after this
God knows I've never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river

That runs to the promised land
In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Though the desert of truth

To the river so deep
We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We're all carried along
By the river of dreams
In the middle of the night

-the redhead-
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.melanie on December 31st, 2003 11:20 am (UTC)
know what? your posts are comment-proof. they're interesting, but i can never think of an appropriate response. i wonder why that is.
-the redhead-theredhead on January 22nd, 2004 08:33 pm (UTC)
How do you mean comment proof? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

-the redhead-
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.melanie on January 23rd, 2004 04:36 am (UTC)
they just seem...complete, unto themselves. i can't ever think of anything important to add.
-the redhead-theredhead on January 23rd, 2004 05:30 am (UTC)
ummmmm - your opinion? Those *are* important, and esp. as you are one of the few who can effectively debate we both stand the chance of learning something. I look forward to chatting with you, and frankly it's not because you are one of the LJ persons of note...

I never thought of my postings as complete. For example, my postings from last night (other than the cartoon link) hardly seem imperious to further growth...

-the redhead-