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29 February 2004 @ 12:47 am
Question for the day  
How do you *know* your partner loves you?

-the redhead-
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Big Daddypaladin3 on February 28th, 2004 11:53 pm (UTC)
no current partner...but the answer was always in the eyes...the way they looked at me...looked back at me...or looked away...

The answer was always there. Sometimes I just didn't want to see it.

p3
-the redhead-theredhead on February 29th, 2004 01:09 pm (UTC)
I think that dogs are more honest and dependable in the caring and love department than humans ;)

-the redhead-
...missing her doggies...
Skittenskitten on February 29th, 2004 06:29 am (UTC)
according to the song...
it's in his kiss...

not sure if I agree with that or not...
-the redhead-theredhead on February 29th, 2004 01:07 pm (UTC)
Re: according to the song...
heh ;)

It makes for a nice song, but I don't think it works in real life.

-the redhead-
Wolfteddywolf on February 29th, 2004 08:50 am (UTC)
*shrug*

By her actions. And, when supported by actions, her words.
-the redhead-theredhead on February 29th, 2004 01:07 pm (UTC)
What sort of actions?

-the redhead-
Wolfteddywolf on March 1st, 2004 07:35 am (UTC)
Loving actions speak to me - things like a kiss, a caress, a grin, a longing gaze; and even some actions you might not think of at first, like discussing an argument point in a calm way. Actions that show respect, consideration, affection, and, yes, love.

Actions that show that somebody does not love me include being ignored, walked over, treated rudely, treated as an object. This includes declarations by fiat, never giving any apologies when I really do deserve one from being walked all over, being walked all over, shouted at, being ignored... basically, actions that show disrespect, a lack of consideration, disaffection and, well, a lack of caring.

Stuff from the second list can happen even in the best of relationships; but the key points are, is this common? is it deliberate? are there sincere apologies when a mistake is made, which does include an effort to prevent the same mistake from happening again? Good answers are No, No, and Yes, in that order; and if any of those answers are flipflopped it's a good idea to re-evaluate the relationship and talk with your sweetie.

This is pretty much what Tigerbright and I do. We have some bumps on the road, but I am happy with her and last I knew she is happy with me.
Musings from the CZ unitcz_unit on February 29th, 2004 12:38 pm (UTC)
Simple: Hook them up to a lie detector and start asking questions.

In real life though it's harder to *know* what a person is thinking. Can't easily climb into someone else's mind.

One could try defining what love is, then look for that definition in their actions. Then again, this requires one to define "love" which can get tricky.

A good yeardstick (aside from that feeling in your belly) is to see how you are treated. Does he buy you little things? Do stuff for you? Worry about you? Do little things to cheer you up? Do you do stuff for him?

It's not the size of the things so much as the pattern of caring that indicates love.

CZ
-the redhead-theredhead on February 29th, 2004 01:17 pm (UTC)
A good yeardstick (aside from that feeling in your belly)

A feeling in one's belly often has little to do with what someone else thinks or feels. That feeling can lie big time.

is to see how you are treated. Does he buy you little things? Do stuff for you? Worry about you? Do little things to cheer you up? Do you do stuff for him?

All things that people do for people who are just friends as well. Or even the people at work. At least I do. So what's the difference?

It's not the size of the things so much as the pattern of caring that indicates love.

So what's the bar? What's the diffference from just being a nice human being?

-the redhead-
Musings from the CZ unitcz_unit on February 29th, 2004 04:03 pm (UTC)
A feeling in one's belly often has little to do with what someone else thinks or feels. That feeling can lie big time.

Mmm... In both flying and Autocross, I have noticed that the little feeling in the belly (subconcious) is an excellent indication that things are about to "go bad"(tm). It's the internal and very subtle way we evaluate what's going on. Been there since the good ole days of being eaten by cheetah; very good indicator.

Not the same as the polyana "Oh everything's going to be great" feeling that you get when you're happily going into a cloud...

All things that people do for people who are just friends as well. Or even the people at work. At least I do. So what's the difference?

Depends on the person. If they do these sorts of things for everyone, then either they love everyone (cool) or that's just their baseline. I'd stop for people in the rain to change tires, and I have stopped for people to fix their cars (including getting parts). Doesn't mean that I love them.

But (for example) I don't order dinner for anyone. I don't look for jewelry for anyone. Note carefully that this is different for different people.

So what's the bar? What's the diffference from just being a nice human being?

It's subjective. If one could find a specific definition of "love" then that person would be ahead of approximately 2,000 years of poets, painters, and lunatics.

What is *your* definition of love?

CZ
-the redhead-theredhead on February 29th, 2004 04:37 pm (UTC)
Not the same as the polyana "Oh everything's going to be great" feeling that you get when you're happily going into a cloud...

ah, not the same as being smooshy. Yes, the warning feeling is something to be listened to. Mine is very strong maybe I should listen to it more - it would probably prevent problems. Would also cut down on the number of people I deal with - also safer.

What is *your* definition of love?

I don't have one anymore.

-the redhead-