June 6th, 2003

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Love - Friday Five

\Love\, n. [OE. love, luve, AS. lufe, lufu; akin to E. lief, believe, L. lubet, libet,it pleases, Skr. lubh to be lustful. See Lief.]

1.A feeling of strong attachment induced by that which delights or commands admiration; pre["e]minent kindness or devotion to another; affection; tenderness; as, the love of brothers and sisters.
2. Especially, devoted attachment to, or tender or passionate affection for, one of the opposite sex.
3. To take delight or pleasure in; to have a strong liking or desire for, or interest in; to be pleased with; to like; as, to love books; to love adventures.
4. Courtship; -- chiefly in the phrase to make love, i. e., to court, to woo, to solicit union in marriage.
5. Affection; kind feeling; friendship; strong liking or desire; fondness; good will; -- opposed to hate; often with of and an object.
6. Due gratitude and reverence to God.
7. The object of affection; -- often employed in endearing address. ``Trust me, love.'' --Dryden.
8. Cupid, the god of love; sometimes, Venus.
9. A thin silk stuff. [Obs.] --Boyle.
10. (Bot.) A climbing species of Clematis (C. Vitalba).
11. Nothing; no points scored on one side; -- used in counting score at tennis, etc.

1. How many times have you truly been in love?

Once for sure... but the rest are marginal at this point - hindsight being 20/20. I think it’s because I’ve changed and grown with all of my relationships, so my realization of what those feelings and relationships actually were have changed as well. My definition of the word has certainly changed. Some of the things I once tried to convince (I really did know they weren’t what I wanted them to be, even then) myself were love were more common things – lust, caring, fascination, desire, need, etc. I did love T**. He was the one who ‘taught’ me that love can make you do stupid things and ignore the sensible parts of yourself for long periods of time – years perhaps. I know better now. So I think that I will be much more… realistic. But I must also admit that the potential exists…

2. What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most?

I struggle with this answer, as the whole situation with T** is still a bit tender to the touch. I’ll have to give this some thought. I know what those qualities were when I fell in love with him, but they all disappeared over the years. Does that cancel them out? *sigh*

3. What qualities should a significant other have?

The ability to be honest with themselves, above all. If that is present, the other important things can follow. Such a strong and well set foundation is required to build upon. Brains is the other big requirement of mine. I don’t suffer fools. The capacity to see beyond themselves to what others need and desire. Some empathy. A touch of romance. Yes, I still have a thing for pretty boys too, but the other things are requirements for real relationships.

4. Have you ever broken someone's heart?

Yes, but only once with knowledge. I knew that C**** was not going to change his situation, no matter how much I wanted him to. Mostly I find out about it after the fact – and am always amazed.

5. If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be?

Love is what *you* make it. There is no ‘standard definition’ – each person is unique, as is the magic they bring into a relationship. It’s all of the things that each person involved brings to the table, as well as what the unique combination of personalities creates. It can be wonderful if you want it to be, it will hurt you let it.

Many fall in love just for the sake of being ‘in love’. Because they are lonely or bored. Some crave the constant attention, affirmation, and endorphin feed concomitant with the emotion. It can be an addiction for others. Those are the wrong reasons, and can only lead to heartache and recrimination. Thankfully I’ve never had those needs or fallen into those traps. Falling in fascination or in lust is bad enough…

Never do anything solely for love. There needs to be something in it for you. Sounds harsh, but true.

-the redhead-
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Interview me, part the second

If you want me to interview you--post a comment that simply says, "Interview me." I'll respond with questions (4-6) for you to take back to your own journal and answer as a post. Of course, they'll be different for each person since this is an interview and not a general survey. At the bottom of your post, after answering the Interviewer's questions, you ask if anyone wants to be interviewed. So it becomes your turn-- in the comments, you ask them any questions you have for them to take back to their journals and answer. And so it becomes the circle.

Here are my answers to althaea's questions:

1. If the world became completely perfect, what would be the most significant portion of yourself that would be lost?

My drive and creativity. In a perfect world those would be neither needed nor encouraged.

2. Which animal do you most feel a kinship with?

Depends on the moment *smile* Mostly lions (esp. in the hot summer), but I do have my Thoroughbred moments as well.

3. What is your vision of an *ideal woman*? Do you think you would like her?

The ideal woman - that's a toughie. She would be both intelligent and smart (which are, after all, two completely different traits). Witty, gracious, able to think on her feet. One who took care of herself, and possessed of strong character. Well read. Funny. Talented. Firm in her convictions. And a redhead, natch *grin* We'd either be great friends or bitter enemies.

4. Are there any mundane, everyday experiences which continue to fill you with awe whenever you encounter them?

The beauty of a sunset over the Flatirons. The foothills serving as a setting for clouds painted in rich tones of red, orange, and gold, fading slowly to the deepest shades of violet as twilight takes hold.

The ability to become completely lost in a book. To leave this world for a few brief moments and enter another, where my imagination can roam freely and weave a rich tapestry with the assistance of an author.

5. [Lorelei's question] If you had to choose between a world that was completely monochromatic, or a world that was completely odorless, which would you pick?

Thanks Lorelei! At first I thought this was going to be a tough question. In the end, however, it's simple. I would definitely choose monochromatic over odorless. For several reasons. First, I enjoy food far too much to not be able to taste it *smile* Second, because smell is wired directly into one's brain - there's little processing that goes on between smell and realization/recognition. That's why smell memories are so sharp and lasting. A great deal of beauty in the world comes from scent. I could still enjoy visual beauty in a monochromatic would, but I couldn't stop and smell the flowers in an odorless one.

-the redhead-