December 5th, 2003


I was wrong yet again - big fucking surprise, eh?

okay - I got your point *completely* just now. And I see just how awful I made your morning and how I made you feel 'slapped and dismissed because it's not anyone's responsibility to listen to you'. I *was* trying to listen to you and help you, but after the third time in a row you told me I was wrong, I thought it was just safer to change the subject. So I asked about A***** and the kids instead.

I did try to apologize this morning. More than once. And I meant it. I AM SORRY. I APOLOGIZE for trying to be a little bit positive and not just blindly agreeing that all computer people suck. I thought it was obviously not the case because you don't, but I guess that's not true somehow. I was not rebuking you, I was simply disagreeing with you. I apologize – it won't happen again. Ever.

You totally misunderstood and then stopped listening to anything else I had to say. You stopped trying to communicate. *click*

But obviously that wasn't good enough either. I failed you at barely 6:30 in the morning, having been awake for all of 30 minutes. I did agree with you that the person was an idiot and I did say more than once that I'm sorry you had to try to fix problems with them and deal with a bad situation. And I also did say that I was sure you *could* fix it.

I am sorry that you took it so badly this morning. I am sorry you are having such an awful day and an awful week. I hope it gets better. I hope you have a nice weekend with your family. I hope that work gets better for you.

But obviously my apologies weren't good enough. So you have a great time with your fan club, none of which would ever ever let you down or have a bad day or say the wrong thing. I'm sure they will fulfill everything you need. T*** is right – ' properly blame the person, not all us loyal readers of yours who you *know* (when you think about it), will happily spend hours listening, discussing, supporting and offering what meagre help has been bestowed to us to offer the world.' Because I never do that. Of course my concerns are clearly *only* for myself, never for anyone else.

As for me, you are right – I should never ' bother discussing problems with other people or show any sign of weakness. Never whine, never bitch, never complain.'. For exactly what happened when you got all flip about me trying *not* to show that I was desperately unhappy about not being able to come to Boston. My mistake was in continuing to try to communicate with you after that, obviously. I should have just dropped it in that instant instead of all the rest of that stupid conversation which only put me in tears. And I should not burden you with any of my problems either. You're right – it's not anyone's responsibility to listen.

Thanks for publicaly illustrating that the benefit of the doubt doesn't exist and reminding me about not whining. I got it now.

-the redhead-