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15 September 2004 @ 09:11 am
Trying to explain  
Tried to explain about being alone, having to be completely independent and self sufficient *all* the time, and not being a truly significant concern in anyone else's life last night. Not having a support system of any sort - no one to share with, no safety net. How that's far different and harder in many, many ways than being a part of a family. In return, they explained to me about having a family.

It wasn't a very fruitful conversation. Not that it wasn't pleasant, interesting, informative, and fun 'chatting' with a friend about a topic that has some meat to it. They did agree that I understand having a family and the associated obligations - between my own past relationship and that decade I took care of Dad and then Mom (and baby brother - put him through school) when Dad was so sick, dying, and after he passed I have a real strong grip on that whole situation. Of course, as in any good conversation, I also gained new insight - always a good thing.

I don't know, however, if it's possible to explain to someone who hasn't been alone more recently than 5 years ago or so that it's not all fun and games and do whatever you want when you want. That while there are obligations inherent in having a family and time is a precious resource there, there's also daily love and support. Frankly, time is a precious resource to *everyone*, and I certainly don't have enough hours in my day to get everything I want done. I really should try to get to bed before midnight...

We are going to try to speak about this and some other topics on the phone tonight - maybe it will be easier live than via text.

-the redhead-

*edited for clarity*
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Tealteal_cuttlefish on September 15th, 2004 12:41 pm (UTC)
My family moved in with my pseudo husband for economic reasons. (We both used to be in IT; now he's a bus driver and I'm a grad student.) He'd lived alone for about a year and a half. So I can see and appreciate both sides. He's glad to have life and people in the house again; but there are evenings he hides in his room all evening.

And there are evenings I'm not sure if I have two husbands or two children; he and my daughter play and bicker constantly and I can't tell which is which.
-the redhead-theredhead on September 16th, 2004 11:42 am (UTC)
So, how would it have been diofferent if you did not have him to move in with? If it were just you and your daughter the whole time?

-the redhead-
Tealteal_cuttlefish on September 16th, 2004 03:13 pm (UTC)
Actually, I was talking about the psuedo-husband having no one to help; he was grateful to have a houseful again. If it were just me and my daughter, then we'd probably have moved back to where the rest of my family is and admitted defeat.

I wasn't trying to say my situation was the same as yours; if anything I was comparing your situation to K's, who cared for both his parents till they passed away, and had a pile of bills and an old, junk-crammed house to show for it.