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25 February 2005 @ 07:36 am
The cold and snow are appropriate today  
Well, it's over. Not necessarily something I wanted to deal with after 2 hours of sleep and being awake for all of 15 minutes, but not my choice. Not the result I wanted at all. Maybe it's good that I really wasn't awake or coherent, as perhaps it hurt les. At least at the moment...

Silly me, I had been up most of the night trying to figure out how my thinking was wrong and what I could do differently. Better. How to reduce my needs and desires. How to be happy with fitting into a very small box, only to be taken out on occasion. How to take pressure away and make things more even. Heh... Wasted effort, it seems.

Funny how people want something, but really can't make room for it in the end. But you know, I cannot reconcile other people's lives, no matter how much I'd like to help. Somehow I'm still left with the feeling that it's my fault becuase I was not good enough somehow. I didn't try hard enough. I wasn't flexible enough. That the options I could come up with, which seemed the best fit for the situation at hand, weren't good enough. I failed. *sigh*

Oh well, guess that in the end I wasn't what was wanted. or what fit, or was convenient or whatever. So at 7:30 am, alone and in a city far from home, I was dumped. Ah well, I suppose I should chalk it up to another one of those pricey learning experiences. Stuck here for another day, as it would cost even more to get home tomorrow. Not to mention the stupid hotel will charge me for the room anyway, becuase that's 'their policy' *sigh* At least they brought me clean towels...

So, I put on my pretty face and my professonal attire and head off for another 9 hours of being pleasant and helpful and dealing with our customers.

Smile!!

-the redhead-
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Cat of LOVE!kimberlogic on February 26th, 2005 11:59 pm (UTC)
We don't know each other, but I am sorry that you were dumped, and in such a brutal way. That hour of the morning is non-ideal, and while in-person is better, being away from home and friends is awful.

The stuff about wanting serious/deep yet not even talking regularly, expecting total access but being selectively available ... well, as happypete said, it's the second time I've heard all that. sigh.

I hope you hang in there, and that you get home soon. I know it won't help the heartache all that much, but it is ... home.