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08 March 2003 @ 11:47 am
Drama, the failings of electronic communication, and making friends  
Had some drama yesterday - misunderstandings and disappointment abounded. Ick.

I think it's mostly fixed, but...

Question - why did it matter to me anyways?

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One of the roots lies in the limitations of electronic communication. It's difficult to not put your own spin on other's words when there are no other indicators to rely on. No facial expression, no body language, not even tone of voice.

How to avoid misunderstandings without falling into the habit of becoming overly explicit and wordy (yuck!!) or constantly reinforcing with that 'active listener' crap?

I think that a lot of it has to do with knowing people well enough to paint the picture in my mind. An accurate picture. But what to do when that isn't possible? Word choice is important. Emoticons? Can be helpful, can be annoying.

Then there was the whole Intended Meaning versus Face Value thing. Face Value is dangerous when dealing with people with actual brains, tho it is necessary in many other cases. The trick is to understand when one is appropriate over the other and to not get trapped into first impressions I think.

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How and why do people make friends? Lately I seem to have stumbled across a few folks who might make good friends - quite by accident.

One local one, who strangely enough seems to be my polar opposite. Odd that I find this person interesting really. I wonder how long this mutual self-interest will last? I have very few friends who don't make the bar. Perhaps a yearn after those things in her that I am not?

Two non-local people. Both are bright, witty, intelligent, and amusing - my usual modus operandi. People to have thought-provoking conversation with. Tangents. My sinuses are taking a beating tho *smile* But they live far away, sadly. The 'online' flavor of friend. So what do you do when you 'meet' new people that you may never meet irl?

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Don't get to move until the 22nd now. The floors won't be done in time. *sigh* Another week in the current situation. I suppose it won't kill me, but it just takes so much effort. Wears me down and makes me want to hide. Ah well, I suppose that it gives me more time to pack and takes things over to storage.

-the redhead-
...who still wants Monet reproductions for the new bedroom...
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Firebowfirebow on March 10th, 2003 03:07 pm (UTC)
Friends...
What do you do when you meet someone you may never meet in the physical world? Don't treat them any different, maybe don't even think of them differently. Heavens only know what the future will bring, can't say for certain you'll never meet in real life. Write them, chat with them as you would any other friend you know and contact online . Difference being that you don't know what their hug is like...

The hows and whys of making friends gets too deep into social phsych, etc.... suffice it to say, we do... and seem to attract certain types of folk depending on our personality (in both a good and bad way).

Inteneded meaning vs face value... word and phrase choices... the real vs coloquial meaning of a word... one's perceptions... it can make impersonal communication tricky... and this could be a lengthy topic...

Good luck with packing and all...

Just my 2 cents... hope you don't mind.
Paladinpaladin3 on March 10th, 2003 07:38 pm (UTC)
I make friends because there is a common interest set...because the person's smile makes me feel good...because there some kind of spark that doesn't feel quite romantic...or because only I feel it...or because there's just that certain something...

And I agree...distance makes it harder...but not impossible...for me, there is a human component to friendships that I miss when I can't see, touch, smell, feel...

Tasting is reserved for special friends. ;-)

p3