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13 July 2005 @ 09:46 am
It only takes a moment...  
...to be transported back to the hell of the day I got kicked.

Just a small thing.

One of the guys called from the OR during a case. A cranial case. I heard that drill on bone and was instantly reliving being the recipient. The high-pitched whine of the drill. The sound and vibration in my head. The hushed discussion of the docs and nurses. The terror of being a kid strapped down to the OR table and not understanding what was going on. The stench of burning bone and grey matter. Being cold, so cold and scared.


It can still make my throat clench and my stomach heave. After all these years. I still remember. On days like this I wish I hadn't been conscious for those hours.

Okay, I need a walk around the building in the hot sun. Maybe I'll smell the flowers.

-the redhead-
callous joy:  clever, clever girl: blue doorviolatedjoy on July 13th, 2005 04:09 pm (UTC)
this is one of those times i need to hug you.
remember you aren't alone in that, it's understood.

and you have my number just shoot me on here so i can jump offline and you're more than welcome to call, too. or if you want me to call you. or IM me, w/e you need, you know?
-the redhead-theredhead on July 13th, 2005 05:38 pm (UTC)
Ahhhh, don't you hate the days where you can smell the blood? That overwhelmingly sweet, metallic scent. Bleh...

Thank you ma'am. That offer means so much to me, and sometimes it helps to know that other people really do understand. I will undoubtedly IM you tonight after Pilates.

For now I'm going for a run - it's brilliantly sunny and about 90 degrees, so a mindless, exhausting hour out in the heat should work as a reset and settle everything down.

Thank you again.

-the redhead-
callous joy:  clever, clever girl: blue doorviolatedjoy on July 13th, 2005 05:44 pm (UTC)
yep, i know the scent intimately. i can taste it when one of my cysts bursts on my ovaries, too.

the offer is genuine.
hope the run helps
nyobserver on July 13th, 2005 04:44 pm (UTC)
don't know the details, but I can imagine based on the description you included. Sorry for it being upsetting. Hope you relax and feel better.
-the redhead-theredhead on July 13th, 2005 07:12 pm (UTC)

-the redhead-
prettypammieprettypammie on July 16th, 2005 02:40 am (UTC)
Oh, poor you, I didn't know about that part.
I hate medical procedures and vividly remember every one I've had, and none of mine have been anything like that. Eh - thinking of you. And I have to tell you I wear my helmet to do groundwork and sometimes even to pick feet...

-the redhead-theredhead on July 16th, 2005 03:34 am (UTC)
Thanks Pam.

Helmets are goodness *nodsnodsnods* Please keep wearing one *smile* My accident happened in a stall with a tied horse when taking all of the standard safety precautions. The *only* thing that saved my life was my own not-quite-13-year-old vanity - I had hat hair after that hot August day at the show, and so had not taken off my helmet.

-the redhead-