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19 March 2003 @ 06:59 am
Been awake since 4am again. It's a bloody SNOW DAY! There's 2-3 feet of snow on the ground with more to fall. Why have I been awake since 4? *sigh* Damned demons...


The fact that I've grown randier in my old age coupled with the pathetic truth that I've experienced nothing more than a few cursory hugs for the last 7 months continues to make me grumpy.

I suppose that I could give in, go see the nice shrink, let them pat me on the head, and take the happy pills that they have wanted to shove down my throat for the last 9 months. Not that I think I need them now anymore than I thought I needed them at any point along this journey. I've made it to the end (as of Sunday) all on my own without any major mishaps or explosions (okay, so I admit to the occasional afraid / distraught / angry / teary day and to have becoming more than a bit cynical but it's not like I've been incapacitated at any point), so that speaks to my ability to handle things on my own, hmmm? And not that I agree with the current methodologies of medicate first, ask questions later either. But the side effects appeal. It would drop my libido, and pretty much all need for human contact, to nonexistence. And I wouldn't *care* about anything. These states hold a certain allure at the moment.

The idea of going to the spa and paying people to touch me grows more appealing by the minute...

-the redhead-

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." – Nietzsche
Musings from the CZ unitcz_unit on March 19th, 2003 09:27 am (UTC)
I think you have handled a lot over the past months that I have known you, and handled it with grace and dignity. Not easy, but you have done it, and on Sunday a new chapter will begin...