-the redhead- (theredhead) wrote,
-the redhead-

How to give a knitter a gift

How to give a knitter a gift
A guide to non-knitters

Knitters, like most anyone, love gifts. And we love that you've thought of our hobby/passion/obsession this gift giving season. However, we should set down some guidelines if you don't want to drive us mad.


Now most major book chains have a section for knitting, brimming with eyepopping selections. If this is the route you're planning on going, please keep in mind...

If we have been knitting for over a year, chances are we do not need another 'Beginner's Guide to Knitting.' The cover may be cool, it may have been on sale, it may have awesome pictures inside. But we simply do not need it.

Check to see if we have a wishlist somewhere. We'll have some books on it. Promise. Because we also do not need three copies of Folk Socks.

Look at the patterns. Are they something you might wear? Or that we might wear? If it burns your eyes to look at it, do not assume we might still want to knit it. Put it back. Even if it's on Madonna or Angelina Jolie or the president of Burundi. Put it back.


So, a knitting store has opened up close by? It looks sparkly and bright and cheery, doesn't it? If you want to go there to get us some yarn, please remember...

Check to see if we're allergic to wool. Because some knitters, believe it or not, cannot touch wool without dashing off to wash their hands and scour their nightstand for lotion.

That cool sparkly shimmery slubby yarn? With feathers coming off of it? And a bazillion color changes? We do not need Tribbles. Thank you for the thought, though.

Check with the store manager on what a particular yarn might be used for, and how much you should buy of it. Even if you nail the perfect yarn, if you don't get us enough to make a respectable scarf, then you will have made us sad indeed. No, skeins are not magical portals that just keep going until TADA you are done with your gloves/shawl/sweater/winding sheet.

Lion Brand? Red Heart? Even if we do knit with these, we can get them on our own.


As a matter of fact, buying yarn for someone is a lot like buying them underwear. You'd be better off knowing what your doing.


Boy, us knitters aren't just happy with yarn, are we? We've got all sorts of cool things that go along with what we do! But before you fill your hands, kindly keep in mind...

If we've been knitting a while, chances are we have lots of knitting needles. Just goes with the territory. So unless you know without a doubt we need needles of a certain size or type, don't worry about it. We've got it covered.

Knitting bags are cool! But if we are a hip cool knitter, please leave the ones with wide eyed kitties with sequins for the next shopper.

We KNIT. While some of us crochet, many of us do not. The long pointy things are knitting needles. The hooky things are crochet needles. No, using two crochet needles as knitting needles would not make knitting so much easier.

==Final Thoughts==

Yay! You got us our gift, and we love it! But... it's still not over...

Once you've given us our gift, accept our thanks. Do not leap on us about what we'll do with it. If you do not see the yarn on our needles for some months, it does not mean we don't like it. It means we have a list we're hacking away at, and your lovely gift will be a nice reminder of you when we get to it sometime in November.

If you want to look through the book with us, that's fine. And if you see things you think are cool, feel free to comment. We'll probably do the same. But don't do this as you mention how your birthday is in just two months, and how lovely it would be as a gift... We don't want to get our new knitting needles dirty with your blood.

In that vein, don't buy us yarn, and then tell us what you would like us to make you out of it. Because we are good at knots and our stash is large enough to hide a body.
Tags: humor, knitting
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