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31 March 2003 @ 06:15 pm
I'm done with it  
I'm done with trying to make things happen or having to do all the work. Done fighting the system.

Done trying to roll the boulder up the mountain.

I'm going to stick to things I can control. Things that I can touch and control without having to depend on... the vagaries of the universe (or other people). It's just not worth the disappointment anymore.

As for the other things... they would be nice but I'm not going to invest effort (mental, emotional, or otherwise) in them. It's the magic wand or nothing.

I'm done with the *bapping*

-the redhead-

...taking my big-assed headache out for some dinner...
Ko'Shall Viperkoshall on March 31st, 2003 07:38 pm (UTC)

*hugs tight*

Do I dare ask love?
-the redhead-theredhead on March 31st, 2003 07:59 pm (UTC)
You will be amused by this...

I tried to do something *gasp* spontaneous today.

Something impulsive. Something very out of the ordinary for me. Might even be considered somewhat dangerous (the kind of dangerous I'm careful about, not the kind I blithely ignore). I just said 'yes' without having run all the numbers and possible scenarios first.

It didn't work.

The universe decided to come and *bap!* me with the numbers.

So much for taking chances...

-the redhead-

Musings from the CZ unitcz_unit on March 31st, 2003 09:01 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you gave it a shot. Sometimes things don't work out, but you did give it a go.

That means a lot. Thank you.
-the redhead-theredhead on March 31st, 2003 09:09 pm (UTC)
I wasn't doing for anyone else - I was trying to do it for me. And am disappointed for me, not anyone else.

Eventually I'll learn not to... whatever...

-the redhead-

...being selfish, but I'm allowed occasionally...