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17 April 2003 @ 02:30 am
In the night...  
... the demons come.

They come to ridicule me, they come to terrorize me, they come to point out my failings. Tonight they've come to interrogate me.

So you think he really likes you, hmmm?
Yes
Why? What makes you think you are anything more than a willing playtoy who was handy at the time?
He talks to me, he *listens* to me, I've gotten to know him over a period of time. I don't think either of us intended what happened ahead of time - it just did. We talked too, lots.

Why did you break the rules? You know better after BritBoy
Ummmmm... I trust him? There was some magic. It felt good. He has a delicate touch. It's not then the end of the bloody world if I break the rules once in a while anyway!

Magic?? *snort* Who's to say you just weren't desperate for a little contact? Skin hunger...
Could be, but I've gone years without so much as a kiss before. The Ice Princess is alive and well. It was more than that.
You think so, do you girl?

Why do you trust? You know better
Yeeesssss... but this person is different. He's like me. We can talk about anything under the sun. He can keep up. He's not a pretty boy like the others were. There's a real person in there. One who won't just say 'come back to my tent with me.'

What do you really think you can get out of this, from thousands of miles away?
I don't know, really. Maybe just an occasional fun evening. Maybe nothing *sigh*

What makes this different from any of your long distance friends who would gladly roll in the hay with you if you let them? Like S*** or D****?
There's more. There's communication too. More than idle chitchat. He can see beyond himself. I think he cares.

Are you just going to end up making all the time and effort?
NO!!! I swear I won't. Not this time.

What happens when the novelty wears off and you are still home alone?
I dunno...

-the redhead-
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Musings from the CZ unitcz_unit on April 18th, 2003 09:57 am (UTC)
He does...

Why? Because he sees that you are important. Special. Different. Unusual. Passionate, smell and feel right. You can keep up. He has little interest in play toys; it's his asset and his bane.

Yes, it was more than that. Much more...

What can we get out of this? Something very beautiful. Something shared, something that matters in this world.

What happens when the novelty wears off? Then life begins...

You are worth it.


-the redhead-theredhead on April 23rd, 2003 07:14 am (UTC)
Thank you for sharing your words - I will cherish them.

-the redhead-