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13 May 2003 @ 12:03 pm
Taking Your Own Space  
or *cue Rocky and Bullwinkle music*

It's Okay To Have Friends Too.

I did something unusual lately. Unusual for me, at least. I took the space I wanted. I took that space without regard to another's feelings or 'needs'. It was... difficult, painful, liberating, made me feel guilty but at the same time made me feel righteous.

After all, some of them are my friends too. As verified recently and emphatically. So I should be able to speak with them, hang out with them, share hugs with them, drink with them, and invite them places without regard to the consequences. Any repercussions are Not My Problem.

I think that shunning people is, on the whole, more difficult than anything else. I am just *not* that person. I am, at the very least, polite as a matter of course. It's a trait which is hardwired. So yes, this took effort on my part. It is also a habit of mine to look people in the face - partly because I read lips and partly because it's just basic politeness to do so. Yes, it involved granting an individual a small amount of space in my head. Not something that is normally a good thing, but in this case I think it was worth it. Requires more concentration that I thought as well, which I found interesting.

The flip side is, of course, that I was shunned as well. Not surprising, considering past behavior on this individual's part. Really not surprising in light of the fact that they are a self admitted coward. *sigh* Still hurt a little bit, tho. I had made space for this person in my heart.

But I'm a tough gal, so it shouldn't be a problem. I won't 'make the first move'. I am not the one in the wrong, I did not further compound the wrong with a pathetic, meaningless attempt to make right only because other people pressured me, and I won't go begging.

Rant over.

-the redhead-
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Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.melanie on May 15th, 2003 10:35 am (UTC)
**applause**

(cues up Diana Ross, and "I Will Survive")