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02 July 2003 @ 11:56 pm
\Time\, n.; pl. Times. [OE. time, AS. t[=i]ma, akin to t[=i]d time, and to Icel. t[=i]mi, Dan. time an hour, Sw. timme. [root]58. See Tide, n.]

1. Duration, considered independently of any system of measurement or any employment of terms which designate limited portions thereof.

2. A particular period or part of duration, whether past, present, or future; a point or portion of duration; as, the time was, or has been; the time is, or will be.

3. The period at which any definite event occurred, or person lived; age; period; era; often in the plural; as, ancient times; modern times.

4. The duration of one's life; the hours and days which a person has at his disposal.

5. A proper time; a season; an opportunity.

6. An instance or single occasion for some event

7. A suitable moment

8. A period of time considered as a resource under your control and sufficient to accomplish something

9. The continuum of experience in which events pass from the future through the present to the past

10. The time as given by a clock

11. The fourth coordinate that is required (along with three spatial dimensions) to specify a physical event

10. (Mus.) The measured duration of sounds; measure; tempo; rate of movement; rhythmical division; as, common or triple time; the musician keeps good time.

Time is a many edged sword. Multidimensional. There can be too much or too little. It can be productive or useless, fulfilling or frustrating, finite or unlimited. Something sought after or a chance occurrence.

Time in relationships is a tricky thing. It touches every aspect of an affiliation. The limits on and requirements thereof are often a stumbling block. Too much, too little, coordination, giving, taking, making – all part of the mix. A difficult resource to allocate and manage. People are different, therefore needing/wanting/desiring/giving disparate amounts. No natural symmetry, no simple balance. It requires work, give and take, compromise, accommodation. There is never a perfect solution to the quandary.

The constraints of the least available is usually the controlling factor. Not fair, but no one ever said life was.

So, should a relationship play to the limitations of the one who has the least to offer? It must, when it comes right down to it. Sucking up time eventually leads to dissatisfaction and resentment, not giving suitable amounts the same. Even more complex when other major factors (work, home, family, time zones) and multiple people are involved. Which is/are inevitable, to a greater or lesser degree. Every additional party involved diminishes the availability of this scarce asset. A choice some make, an additional hindrance we choose to cope with. Management and adjustment of expectation is key. Which is a process of adaptation, at the very least. Dealing with the aforementioned inviolate restrictions is surely not the most entertaining thing to do. *sigh* Even harder when it comes to new relationships. Long-distance relationships. New types of relationships.

I am a big girl, I understood (intellectually, at least) the limitations going in. But it makes it hard sometimes, as I am not the most voluble person – it's that cryptic, reserved thing. So things go unsaid or truncated when real, live conversations are limited by various restrictions. Things slip through the cracks, are forgotten. But perhaps that's a good thing in a way – if they aren't worth remembering how important can they really be? The 24/48 hour rule is a good way to go I think – if it's still something running loudly through my head a day or two later, then perhaps it's worth mentioning. A lot of things can be managed, sublimated, or put in perspective in that period of time. Is that reasonable to do? Same thing is pretty successful at work, and leads to less conflict – which is a worthy thing when you work in a department which is all women. Then there are the definitions of need and desire (which is a whole 'nother topic). Just because I want something doesn't really mean I *need* it. The trick is figuring out which is which.

Rambling, seeing it all down here in black and white, helps some. In the end the availability is what it is. It's not a resource under my control.

The answer is simple, stupid. Just get by with less.

I need to work on that.

-the redhead-
...shouldn't be allowed to use the computer after 9 pm...
Tags: ,
vewvew on July 2nd, 2003 11:39 pm (UTC)
time is the coin which we spend on what is important to us
-the redhead-theredhead on July 3rd, 2003 11:35 pm (UTC)
So, thought about this more. Had the criteria (a topic for another time) pointed out again. Still worried about the others involved. Family is hugely more important.

Been contemplating scheduling. I think that chatting via AIM during the day as available and then setting aside time for a real conversation outside of work times once a month is reasonable. Perhaps the occasional brief lunchtime convo as well, tho the times don't match up very well. Trips a couple of times a year. I won't suck time that way.

-the redhead-

Lost, yesterday, somewhere between Sunrise and Sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered, for they are gone forever. - Horace Mann
Musings from the CZ unitcz_unit on July 4th, 2003 06:09 am (UTC)
Re: Scheduling
Hm. You know that you don't "suck" time. We enjoy time together. Be it on IRC, AIM, phone, or in person. We share time. Invest time. Reap the rewards of time...

I'll have to think about this and my thoughts on it over the weekend. There are things in my life which are very important to me (wife, kids, girlfriend, *me*) and I would like to find a balance with them where all are happy.


Time is a room where the only doors are exits.--CZ
-the redhead-theredhead on July 4th, 2003 07:30 am (UTC)
Re: Scheduling
Yes, we share time. But...

But your time w/A*** & kids is a very precious and the most important thing. 'You' time is equally so. Interrupting home time and you time is bad. Don't want to do that at all. Can't do it.

Work time is just that, and with time zones and meetings and such lunches surely don't match up often. But occasionally I can go earlyish I think - once a week, perhaps. Chatting on AIM when we aren't so busy during the day is nice *smile*

I think having a *real* conversation one time a month is important. And not asking too much. If that won't work then... I guess it just won't.

-the redhead-