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25 July 2003 @ 05:25 pm
I want to know...  
"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine and your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own: if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself: if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!" It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children. It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

-the redhead-
 
 
 
-the redhead-theredhead on July 25th, 2003 05:27 pm (UTC)
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for

Many things... The freedom that comes with galloping heedlessly across a meadow, leaning low over my mount's neck, with the wind streaming through my hair. To not have to worry all the time. Having someone that I can share things with at 2am. That the demons would stop coming in the night.

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

I dream of many things, from the mundane to the grand. I dream of the scent of iris on a warm spring night. I dream of being happy. I dream of gentle kisses in the night. I dream of perfect unity between myself and my horse. I dream of not being alone. I dream...

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

I have in the past. I do on occasion. Adventures are good thing, things that fill your mind and feed your soul.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow,

Yes. Too often I think. But is it better to touch it than to ignore it?

if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!

Both. I try, I fight to be the person that I want to be and reach for the things I want. But then I retreat to my cave when I get *bapped!* too often or too hard. The mask settles firmly into place as I retreat to a protected place. My innate reserve comes to the fore. The Ice Princess. The loner.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine and your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

Yes. Pain is something I understand all too well...

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own:

Perhaps. It depends.

if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

I'm too much the realist to allow my world to have no bounds. Even perception as reality does not flourish there. But occasionally, very rarely, I'm able to escape the chains and give myself over completely to something. To lose myself in the moment. Always an overwhelming thing, to allow myself to touch the magic.

-the redhead-
-the redhead-theredhead on July 25th, 2003 05:27 pm (UTC)
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself:

Yes. Recently. It's hard tho, when you are the rock. The one that others depend upon to make their lives easier/better/nicer. The one who is polite and helpful by default. But in the end I *must* hold true to my principles and ideals.

if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

Yes

I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

Yes

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from its presence.

I am oft accused of seeing beauty where others do not. Of dwelling silently, in admiration of that only I can see or hear or smell or feel. It's generally the little things that easily escape notice.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

I try, but...

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

Yes...

It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

I don't know. I've lost a lot over the past year. I am afraid.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

My sense of self, forged in the fires of my childhood. My sense of right and wrong, of justice, of beauty.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Some days I love that person who sits in the echoing darkness with me, and other times I curse her.

-the redhead-
Musings from the CZ unitcz_unit on July 25th, 2003 10:56 pm (UTC)
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for

Ache for? Someone to talk to. Someone who really understands. Someone who I can see as an equal, both intellectually and spiritually. Someone who I can trust, and who can trust. Someone who can walk beside me.

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
Mmm.... Dreaming of such a thing can be a dangerous dream. A wild dream, turning from the heights of ecstasy to the depths of the darkest passions...

I desire....

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It does not matter how one looks to others when seeking the adventures spoken of here. Because only you and those you can trust will truly understand what you seek and why you seek it. The others are merely bystanders; their praise or scorn has little meaning.

Time is living's prize.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow,

Yes. I have been there. And touched it, and understand it. And I do cherish it; because it is a part of me. It is in a way me.

if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!
Opened. When one looks back upon them, one sees them not as horrible and evil guides, but as marker posts that assisted you in becoming who you are today. Our failures give us insights that mere success causes us to overlook.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine and your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

That, I don't know. But I will not hide from it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own:
That I do not know. But I will not hide from it.

if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
For a time, yes. But the dance of Dionysis, the dance of joy and happiness becomes a dance of madness if one does not stop. The pipes play a seductive song, but there is a time for everything. And there is a time to dance and a time to rest.

But I will drink of that spring, swim in it's waters.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself:

Indeed. An issue that I have been dealing with myself. Which is more important? To be true to one's self, or to be true to another. Because sometimes you cannot have both. Sometimes they do seem to contradict.

But it is true that contradictions, by their very nature cannot exist. To betray yourself to be true to another is to betray the other. And to be true to one's self can never disappoint the other if they profess to love *you*.

if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
Yes.

I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
No. My faith is a part of my trust. They are interlinked and can not be separated.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from its presence.

Beauty is many things. Beauty is what makes my soul sing, and it can be found in some of the most unusual places. Beauty can be found in a touch, a glance, a brush stroke, a word, a dream, a nightmare.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"
Yes.

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.
Yes. This I have done. Many times. Nyd, the will to endure.

-the redhead-theredhead on July 26th, 2003 04:47 am (UTC)
Ache for? Someone to talk to. Someone who really understands. Someone who I can see as an equal, both intellectually and spiritually. Someone who I can trust, and who can trust. Someone who can walk beside me.

You are lucky - you already have this.
Musings from the CZ unitcz_unit on July 25th, 2003 10:57 pm (UTC)
It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

I will stand in the fire. I may waver, but I will not break. Not unless the fires have engulfed all that there is, and I am left in a barren place.

Then I will mourn what was lost.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

The knowledge that I am a good person. That the path I have chosen is the right one, even though it may be through the woods and along many lonely paths. It is the path that I have chosen.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Yes. And there are times when I need to be alone. IN many ways I do walk this path of life alone. One of the things I do need to work on is to realize that I can walk with others by my side, not behind me as I lead them nor ahead of my as they beckon me to follow. But aside me.

Even then though there are times when I need to leave the path and simply be. And then we can talk. And listen. And understand.

CZ
Counterfeit Reality: believetangibleatrophy on July 27th, 2003 04:44 pm (UTC)
scar tissue
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow,

Yes. Too often I think. But is it better to touch it than to ignore it?

not necessarily... some pain, some sorrow, especially that of your own self infliction can be what haunts & torments you in the worst possible ways. those are the demons that will never go away, & one can always summon them up, with a simple caressing of old scars better left to do their best to just fade away, even if that "away" is never really that far from the center of your axis...