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27 July 2003 @ 07:26 pm
Input wanted - Was I not being friendly and polite??  
Had this convo today. Was trying very hard to be friendly and polite and such.

Was it wrong or unreasonable to express my preference?!? Was I rude about it? I even said 'thanks'.

There are days when I shouldn't even bother opening my bloody mouth...

-the redhead-

[15:46] theredhead: so I take it from your earlier message you arrived safely
[15:46] theredhead: hopefully your luggage did as well
[15:46] ******: mmmmhm.
[15:46] ******: right now I am lying naked in the hot tub in my room
[15:46] ******: very very relaxing after a busy day
[15:47] theredhead: have a lovely time :)
[15:47] theredhead: I didn't really need to know the naked part - thanks
[15:48] theredhead: glad yiu are enjoying yourself
[15:48] theredhead: have a nice evening
[15:49] ******: why? It's true.
[15:49] ******: ok, I'm wearing my suit in the hot tub
[15:49] ******: after a day in the sun it is very tranquil.
[15:50] ******: need to get it dry cleaned anyway
[15:50] theredhead: yes, lots of things are true
[15:50] theredhead: doesn;t mean they are necessarily appropriate
[15:50] theredhead: I'm glad yu are having a lovely time
[15:50] theredhead: :)
[15:50] ******: *snort*
[15:51] ******: anyway, what's up with the lyrics and such on your journal?
[15:51] theredhead: so, what did you do today besides the plane trip?
[15:51] theredhead: hopefully fun stuff
[15:51] theredhead: of course, almost anything is more fun than a plane ride
[15:54] theredhead: maybe you will get to go out tonight? That would be fun :)
[15:56] theredhead: lots and lots of fun stuff to do in *********
[15:56] ******: perhaps
[15:57] theredhead: hmmm - I sense that your connection has dropped - oh well
[15:57] theredhead: ah - it hasn;t
[15:57] theredhead: well thats nice that it is working for you :)
[15:57] ******: yep
[15:58] theredhead: :)
[16:01] theredhead: well I do hope you got to do something more entertaining than fly today, and have fun with your fellow ******* or some such tonight
[16:01] theredhead: must be nice to be surrounded by like minded people :)
[16:03] theredhead: hmm - I don't think you are getting my messages, as AIM thinks you keep coming back repeatedly
[16:03] ******: mmmm here
[16:04] ******: naah, just took a shower and now am drying on bed
[16:04] theredhead: ah
[16:05] ******: prolly dropped on the way out
[16:05] ******: anyway
[16:05] theredhead: I didn't really need to know that either - thanks
[16:06] ******: um. i talk like that to friends all the time
[16:06] ******: is this how you talk to friends?
[16:07] theredhead: my friends do not usually tell me they are naked twice in an otherwise nonexistant conversation
[16:07] ******: really?
[16:08] theredhead: yes, really - most people don;t tell random people that
[16:08] theredhead: but that;s fine, I would prefer that you didn't
[16:09] theredhead: anyways, glad you got there safe, hope you have your luggage, hope you are enjoying yourself and have done some fun things already
[16:09] ******: I see. So I am to consider you "random people"
[16:09] ******: got it.
[16:09] theredhead: no, I said that I would prefer that you did not share that with me - thanks
[16:09] ******: No, you said "- most people don;t tell random people that"
[16:10] theredhead: I hope that you get your fill of ************ - I know that it will be enjoyable for you :)
[16:10] ******: Well, if I'm going to get criticized/corrected for every third thing I say then I will simply be quiet.
[16:10] ******: right.
[16:11] theredhead: yanno - it's less than useless for me to try to have a pleasant conversation with you
[16:12] theredhead: I have tried to be friendly and pleasant and ask you about your day
[16:12] ******: I feel the same way. I ask you about your life and get deflected.
[16:12] theredhead: I have also tried to explain my preferences to you
[16:12] ******: I chat with you and you criticize.
[16:12] theredhead: oh - so we are still on the topic yesterday
[16:12] theredhead: I understand now
[16:12] ******: Ah.
[16:13] theredhead: well, I have asked you repeatedly in the conversation about your flight, yiur day, do you have yiur luggage
[16:13] theredhead: and have repeatedly wished you to have a lovely time
[16:13] theredhead: that waqs a question - you are the one who seems stuck on it
[16:13] ******: Yes, but it does seem to be like talking to someone who is not quite you.
[16:14] theredhead: expressing my preference that you not tell me yiu are naked repeatedly is not criticism nor is it unreasonable
[16:14] ******: Not quite. However I have noticed that you hop on people quite quickly.
[16:14] ******: I see.
[16:15] ******: Well, I had a lovely day walking around, saw lots of sights, and now am sitting in my room before the evening.
[16:15] theredhead: tell you what - I will chalk this all up to the fact that you are unfortunately having a bad day
[16:15] theredhead: I hope yiur evening is better than yiur day appears to have been
[16:15] ******: I should and do chalk things up to the same.
[16:15] theredhead: and perhaps we can speak another time when yiu are feeling better
[16:15] ******: Redhead, don't sit here and blame lack of communication on me.
[16:16] ******: Oddly enough, I feel fine.
[16:16] theredhead: no, actually I had a nice day and I was trying to have a nice, friendly conversation with you
[16:16] ******: Bit tired, but fine.
[16:16] theredhead: I tried very very hard
[16:16] ******: Then why wouldn't you say so?
[16:16] theredhead: but apparent;ly to little avail
[16:16] theredhead: you did not ask about my day
[16:16] theredhead: you asked about something else
[16:16] ******: Ah correct. I did.
[16:16] ******: Damn.
[16:16] theredhead: and I refuse to sit here and try to justify that I have been polite and reaosnab;le and friendly
[16:17] ******: You're right. My apology.
[16:17] theredhead: so perhaps we can speak another time when you are in a more congenial mood
[16:17] ******: Then why do I feel otherwise?
[16:17] theredhead: I hope that you evening is better and I wish you well
[16:17] ******: goodbye Redhead. I hope your evening goes well.
Sylver Wolfsylverwolf on July 27th, 2003 07:13 pm (UTC)
You wanted to know what I think.
I think that after your first comment of not needing to know said person was naked, that said person should have dropped it and left it at that.
I also think that you were Both ignoring questions about how the day went(he did ask about your journal, and you were asking about his flight and day).
And I think you both got annoyed with each other after a bit of that and started boardering on being barely civil.
-the redhead-theredhead on July 27th, 2003 07:44 pm (UTC)
One vote for

'obviously that person is having difficulty with the situation and how it has changed, but no you weren't rude or critical. There's nothing wrong with setting boundaries. You were trying to be nice and chatty. They should have respected your wishes. You were more than a little icy there at the end Red. Why do you talk to this person?'
-the redhead-theredhead on July 27th, 2003 08:17 pm (UTC)
One vote for

'oooh, lokie lokie. It's the Polite C******. Younger sis of the Ice Princess.

I know what this convo is about and know what you're tryin' to do. You've said this person means a lot to you, but maybe you're trying too hard. I don't really understand why, but that's a you thing. If they don't wanna play by the rules, then why not just let it go all the way for awhile? I mean, it's not like you jumped down his throat. But maybe he can't do this right now. Don't torture yourself over it, you need to take care of yourself.

Yeah, you were friendly and alla that, but I can tell you were working hard at it.'
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.melanie on July 28th, 2003 05:38 am (UTC)
it depends upon who was having this convo with you. i mean, it sounds like flirting. if this is someone whom you are close enough to to be flirting with, then, if i were them, i'd have read your comments as joking/playing coy. at least at first. if it was a casual acquantance, they still might have taken your comments, at least at first, as being coy/joking. i can see how it might happen.
vewvew on July 29th, 2003 09:09 pm (UTC)
This sounds like 2 seperate conversations. Both talking in different directions.
I would suggest that your communication with >>> needs practice.
Christopher Scottkorwyn on July 30th, 2003 06:32 am (UTC)
Three thoughts:

1) Even with emoticons you have issues with emotional tones in any text based conversation.
2) Your response to the tun comment comes off (in male speak) as sharp.
3) It feel like you took offense very ealry at a comment that could have been innocent (I specify clothed state from time to time in other discussions, for example) from there it kind of falls apart
Ko'Shall Viperkoshall on July 30th, 2003 08:46 pm (UTC)
Well, honestly I don't htink either of you is exactly comfortable with the new situation... and it's pretty apparent in the way both of you reacted to just about everything the other one said.

Both of you tried to be nice in your own way, but shortly after it started, both of you failed quite completely too.

I don't honestly think it's either person's fault either... I just think you are both dancing on eggshells, neither of you with a single clue of how any of this works from this point on.

*hugs tight*