-the redhead- (theredhead) wrote,
-the redhead-



Why is it these days that I seem to exists at the whim of others? At everyone else's convenience? Not allowed to have wants and desires? Why are everyone else's wants and desires and schedules and boundaries and limitations more important than mine? I spend my days trying to fit into other's molds, other's schedules, other's limitations. To be 'convenient'.

But gods forbid that I should push back and say 'No, I need ....' There's always a reason why what *I* want/need/desire it not doable. Suddenly I'm being outrageous and unreasonable. There's always a reason why it cannot even be considered, let alone acted upon.

'Well, that's just not reasonable, C******.'
'My schedule won't allow that, C******.'
'But we expect you to help out and be flexible, C******'
'Here's what I can do.'
'Here's how it's going to work.'
'We know you are always willing to try and make things work the way we want them to - you always do.'
'I know we planned this, but now it has to work this way.'
'Well so-and-so needs this and that and the other thing, so we are going to accommodate that.'
'I/we don't have the time for you.'
'Be flexible!'

Suck it up. Cope. Deal. Bend over for us.

- My roommate says 'My house, my rules!'
- My Mom gives me shit because I won't 'make the drive from Denver to San Antonio, it's not that far' for a weekend with *her* friends that she may or may not be there.
- I got 'coached' at work today for leaving on Monday afternoon. It wasn't 'convenient' because R*** had to leave early that day. No matter the bloody *reason*, just that it imposed on other people.
- Someone says they care, but always has a reason why they cannot do...

Nah, I have no reason to want anything... No needs. No boundaries. I don't need to be included in anything. Of course not. Sure, whatever works for you.

Back to the cave...

-the redhead-
Tags: chris, musings
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