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27 August 2003 @ 12:21 pm

Why is it these days that I seem to exists at the whim of others? At everyone else's convenience? Not allowed to have wants and desires? Why are everyone else's wants and desires and schedules and boundaries and limitations more important than mine? I spend my days trying to fit into other's molds, other's schedules, other's limitations. To be 'convenient'.

But gods forbid that I should push back and say 'No, I need ....' There's always a reason why what *I* want/need/desire it not doable. Suddenly I'm being outrageous and unreasonable. There's always a reason why it cannot even be considered, let alone acted upon.

'Well, that's just not reasonable, C******.'
'My schedule won't allow that, C******.'
'But we expect you to help out and be flexible, C******'
'Here's what I can do.'
'Here's how it's going to work.'
'We know you are always willing to try and make things work the way we want them to - you always do.'
'I know we planned this, but now it has to work this way.'
'Well so-and-so needs this and that and the other thing, so we are going to accommodate that.'
'I/we don't have the time for you.'
'Be flexible!'

Suck it up. Cope. Deal. Bend over for us.

- My roommate says 'My house, my rules!'
- My Mom gives me shit because I won't 'make the drive from Denver to San Antonio, it's not that far' for a weekend with *her* friends that she may or may not be there.
- I got 'coached' at work today for leaving on Monday afternoon. It wasn't 'convenient' because R*** had to leave early that day. No matter the bloody *reason*, just that it imposed on other people.
- Someone says they care, but always has a reason why they cannot do...

Nah, I have no reason to want anything... No needs. No boundaries. I don't need to be included in anything. Of course not. Sure, whatever works for you.

Back to the cave...

-the redhead-
Tags: ,
Counterfeit Reality: abstract fallicytangibleatrophy on August 27th, 2003 12:19 pm (UTC)
its interesting how much people are willing to withdrawl from the emotional bank of another without ever considering the need to make deposits back into said person, if at least only... from time to time.
Wolfteddywolf on August 27th, 2003 01:42 pm (UTC)
First off, *hugs* - it sounds like you need 'em and I have plenty available.

I mislike saying it, but there are times when people have to suck it up and deal. Those generally have to do with work or an emergency situation - although at work they really should be fair about it. If they aren't fair about it, well, then I remember it and if I start feeling set-upon document the incident later.

In regards to the roommate, well... legally the roommate may be in the right. Personally speaking, though, if you are paying rent and bills and doing so in full equal measure (or if not, doing other work in compensation to count as a full share) then the roommate is not behaving with consideration or understanding. There needs to be a consensus among roommates and it needs to deal with the needs of each person in the house, not just one member.

One of the most annoying things I have ever had to deal with in my life has been somebody changing complex or tough-to-change plans in mid-execution.

I will not say suck it up and deal. I say do what you are comfortable with. I say take your space and hold your ground. (I suspect you're doing at least some of this already)

Just so you know, I'm in your corner. Would you like a teddy bear to make the cave more comfy? Or some chocolate? Or both?